I came to a horribly frightening realization today. It just kind of hit me in one of those unsuspecting moments when you're daydreaming to yourself (I was in the shower) and suddenly you remember you left the stove on or missed a doctors appointment or forgot to take your pill. In my case, it was much, much worse. I realized something I thought was inconceivable, impossible and unimaginable about myself.
I am a grown up.
Not a grown up in the way that I've discovered aches and pains and have spotted wrinkles. It came to me when I was thinking about marriage. I decided that if I (at this point in time) had someone who I could conceivably marry, I would do it and I would do it today. If I knew Mr. Right right now, we would be planning our wedding. The scary thing about this realization is that I've always thought of marriage as being far, far, far (yes, three "far's") down the road and that 21 was too young to be married. Realizing it's not really has me reeling. My rationalization is that if I find someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, I want the rest of my life to start as soon as possible. I don't need any more meaningless flings with guys who don't care where I grew up or what my favourite flower is. Dating is not fulfilling for me at all anymore, and it sucks. A lot. It's full of awkward moments, unsure words and fabrications. No one knows what to do or say, and each of you wants something different.
Another thing that came to me after my realization is that I'm never going to be living in my parents house anymore. They've preserved my room in a museum-like manner waiting for the day when I come home, but I never will. Maybe on a temporary basis, but there's nothing for me back in my home town. I have my own life and my own needs now, and am (almost) fully independent from my parents.
So when am I getting married? Not for a long, long time or ever. The point is not that I want to get married now, but that I could. Discovering the right person is a whole other story.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Wow, that must have been some shower!
I was 20 when I got married, but finding a soul mate is a hard thing to do, and sometimes you have to be very patient.
I can't put my finger on it, but I loved that post.
I liked that you spelled "favorite" with a "u." My parents use u's quite frequently, they're from South Africa, another English colony. Though I was born and raised in the States, I often find myself spelling color as colour, and favorite as favourite. I also say advertisment the British way.
Anyway, that's what I put my finger on. And that I've come to that realization as well, a while ago for me, being that I turn 26 in a week and a half. But, yeah, the room thing is scary. At least it is for me.
First dates are like job interviews unfortunately. You embellish yourself, ask probing questions in order to find out if it's going to "work." But in the end, you really don't learn anything and you just have to go with a gut feeling on whether you take the job, second date. if you figure out a way to get around that, let us know.
Post a Comment