This can't be happening. Disbelief turns my stomach and quickens my pulse. My hands are cold. Even my dreams stopped conjuring this up after awhile thinking it's too unrealistic and too unlikely for real life. I pray I don't say something hurtful and unintentional on the defensive, because I do that. When something good happens I can't just be thankful. I get suspicious, I imagine ulterior motives and I push it away.

I'll be happy for myself and keep my feet on the ground this time. I promise.