I Think I'll Start a Rock Collection

I was a well-behaved child. My parents don't know how good they had it, I tell ya. I never snuck out of the house, never smoked a cigarette and never had any secret parties. Yes I was a geek, and boring as hell.

So my theory is that I'm making up for lost time. It seems I've caught up to my peers, and even exceeded them in the areas of chugging, kissing randoms and falling down while drunk. Sometimes it tires me out and I feel like I should grow up and cut the bullshit, but other times all I want to do is drink too much and flirt and dance like I put out (which I don't. I'm a huge tease, and proud of it.) My inner geek is telling me that I'm too old for this shit and I should go study or start another rock collection. Oh, the inner turmoil of a twenty-something single woman. It's all so dramatic.

But all this going out and partying has taught me many useful lessons. One of which is that I can set a goal for the night and achieve it almost every time. For example I'll say, "I'm going to kiss a boy tonight." Everyone around me will laugh, but only I know the truth. Once I say it out loud it will happen. It's out there in the universe, and the universe is in my favour every time. Maybe it's just in my nature to always finish something I've started, but it never fails. I achieve my goals and no matter who that boy is, I will kiss him.

But as fun as it is at the time, kissing randoms until the bar closes is not at all satisfying. Most of the time they're bad kissers, and as the lights in the bar come on and the beer goggles come off you realize they're not as cute as you thought they were. And there's always the awkward "can I walk you home?" conversation where you have to break their poor hearts by admitting you're not actually a slut you just dance like one. Good times.

So maybe I should listen to my inner geek and start a rock collection. Rocks are safe and you don't need beer goggles to look at them.