Life loses its luster. Everything that used to make you happy, all the people you cherish, all the things about yourself that make you proud are a drab shade of grey. Nothing sparkles. My life is a sine curve with predictable highs and lows, and the lows are the lowest. My friends pity me, my future is lonely, I can't feel happy no matter how I try. I bring everyone down when I drag my feet, with my sulky face and my negative thoughts. People can only ask what's wrong so many times before they get bored with my beat-around-the-bush answers. No one wants to be around the sad girl. It's frustrating, but this ditch is too deep for me to drag myself out.
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He leaned into my ear and whispered "wanna to do something?"
"What do you mean by something?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
"We're young and the night has just begun," he said with a sly smile. He takes my hands, our fingers interlocking, weaving in and out.
I try to hold back. "I need to find my friend," I said and let go of his hands, but he grabs them again looking at me with that sly smile.
"Why do you need her when we have each other?"
I raise an eyebrow "do we have each other?" He said nothing. I wait for an answer but he just stares at our hands, fingers intertwining. "I'll talk to you later," I said, and didn't look back.
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Only four months left. I need to get out of here, I feel stifled. I'm bored with the same old things, the same old routine and I need novelty. People need a certain amount of novelty to stay sane, especially people with active minds. I'm afraid I'm going to become too predictable and too jaded to recover. Someone tell me to hang in there, that it'll all be ok in the end because I don't know anymore. Pessimism grows like cancer on my perspective, eating away all my hopes and past expectations for what my life could have been. Maybe everything wont be ok. Maybe everything doesn't work out the way you want or anticipate and maybe pessimism is the permanent result of constant disappointment and falling from grace.
But then maybe pessimism is just a temporary remedy for a heartsick girl.
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3 comments:
Em, you need to tap into your inner sex goddess and just let her loose. Take that guy up on his offer of "wanna do somethin?" and turn it into, "Sure I'd love it if you bought me dinner!" You play sly and keep the man interested, plus you get a free meal out of the deal.
Nice advice Kel. I should start forcing men to buy me dinner... that's all they're good for anyways ;)
HEY! Some men can MAKE dinner too. ;)
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