How do you do it? You do something to me I can't explain. You have a power over me that's intangible and out of my control. You don't know what you could be capable of. I'd let you hurt me, use me, bruise me. I beg you, take advantage of the fragile and vulnerable girl I become when you're around. Just say the right words and I'm at your feet. My strength dissolves once I see that smile in my direction, when your eyes squint a little and your expression gets dark, I become yours. So say what you will and do what you please, I only want what you want tonight.
Abuse me, because from you it's worth the pain. Do it again and again. It hurts, but at least I'm feeling. And all the words that I've cried over you will finally be worth something.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
...and self-indulgence is my other hobby
About Me
- Miss.Emily
- I like to feel the hard, cold floor beneath my feet before I leap away from it
My Lovers
Blogs I Read
Blog Archive
-
▼
2006
(104)
-
▼
January
(15)
- I expect our wants will parallel. I expect I'll sa...
- On Validation, Dish Soap and Men (the stupid kind)
- I Resolve (an update)
- Role Reversal
- This can't be happening. Disbelief turns my stomac...
- My Job
- Je M'ai Effrayé
- Americism
- A true friend will tell you any way she can when s...
- I Think I'll Start a Rock Collection
- I Resolve (again)
- How do you do it? You do something to me I can't e...
- Please, Mr.Sandman
- The Heartsick Girl
- Ode to Amber
-
▼
January
(15)
5 comments:
A wise man once said, "It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved before."
I understand what it is like to be so completly in love with somebody, no matter what they do to you, it's OK. But to allow somebody who does not reciprocate, or has not shown those feelings to you is very dangerous. If he hurts you, I'm going to sack him.
I know what you mean...sometimes you just want them to take you so you have no choice...it's scary when you step back and realize that sometimes you want what you don't want, or that you want what you can't have so badly that you'd take what you don't want just to pretend for a small time...or...I don't know...I just understand that's all. It's a feeling-only felt.
Crap...it can be so complicated... I just read your entry again and feel something similar, but have no idea how to write my thoughts. All that comes to mind is that I hate words-they're so unreliable...and I want something different to justify with.
I guess there are multiple interpretations. Mine was that I feel like I need something so badly, that even hurting myself by being taken advantage of (in any way) would be more than what I'm getting now. That I've cried tears over someone, but they don't even now it and at least if they hurt me I'd have a reason to cry. It's more like when you said,
"that you want what you can't have so badly that you'd take what you don't want just to pretend for a small time."
Maybe we need distractions from ourselves...maybe that's why we obsess so much about other people...mainly that guy, or the guy we want to come along. I only cling onto the guys who are bad for me...maybe I'm not ready for one who will stay around, because then I would be defined and settled. I don't want to settle, or be settled, but I do need something to keep me going until I've done what I need to do. I wan't to give a shit about something, until I feel like I'm something on my own, so I distract myself with these abusive guys. Or maybe I'm just obsessing because It's easier to understand when someone else hurts you than it is to understand when you hurt yourself. Those guys are people and it's as simple and as complicated as that. They keep us busy and challenge our defenses. Maybe we like them around because they relate to us in a sad kind of way...they relate to us in the fact that they don't look for the good in us. I have so much good in myself that I don't acknowledge and I'm sure that's the same for everyone...maybe it's time to deal with the pain we have in ourselves so that we don't need these people anymore...so that we can feel something real and not have to pretend. I don't know...ugh...these thoughts are so changable.
Post a Comment