Unofficial theme of the week: Men are heartless bastards. Going along with the hatred of all things having to do with Valentine's Day... thing. Of course since Valentine's Day is today, two of my good friends have had to brake up with their boyfriends because they are stupid, stupid men. One cheated, and the other is a lazy good-for-nothing. Each of these relationships was two years or more. Why don't they get it? Honestly, right on the day hallmark decided we should be extra nice to the one's we love. Which also happens to be the day that most people kill themselves (I was told.) Honestly, if I chose a day to kill myself it wouldn't be today. I wouldn't be able to stand the thought that so many people were getting laid on the day I die. Way too depressing, even for death.
So why is it men are built so differently from women. I swear, there are so many differences I couldn't quantify them if I tried. And at the same time, even though we are so different from each other, I think we ultimately want the same things. We want to be loved, we want companionship and we want sex. Marriage may have started as an economically motivated merger for procreational purposes, but it's turned into to the need for someone to stick by your side forever. A companion who will love you through whatever circumstances arise and who will have sex with you even when you get old and wrinkly and your body parts get loose and droopy.
So why is it that men don't realize this until years and years after women? Of course I'm generalizing (sorry guys) but in my experience, none of them seem to want commitment anymore. An explanation will be appreciated.
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Dance quote of the week from 6-year old Tiffany:
"Does anyone remember what a syllabus is?"
"I think it's a bus they take you on when you break your leg."
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So this past weekend I took a trip to Toronto to visit my best friend, and had a good ol' time. It was reminiscent of our teenage years of taking shots of straight vodka out of a water bottle on the way to the bar. I can't remember the last time I was so inebriated. When I'm drunk I am rude, blunt and disgustingly honest while trying to be cute and flirtatious at the same time. And for some reason men love it. There's something about insulting them that makes them want to sleep with you. It must be about the chase. They think I don't like them because I'm saying all these rude things to them, so they try extra hard to get me. A challenge I suppose. Or maybe it's the saucy attitude that they like. Regardless, I love pushing people's buttons when I'm drunk. I'll say the most outrageous things and see what reactions I can elicit. A game I like to play with people.
And yes, it works. These guys were practically begging me for sex. One guy whispered all the dirty things he wanted to do to me in my ear, and when he was done I smiled and said, "that sounds like fun. But only if you can tell me my name." And did he know my name? Of course not. In fact, he called me by my best friend's name.
Needless to say, he didn't get sex that night. Even if he knew my name he wouldn't get any. I just like them to think they have a chance. Does that make me a tease? Probably.
Good times.
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9 comments:
Men do "want to be loved, want companionship, and want sex." We just want it in the opposite order. We want sex, then companionship (a.k.a. friendship), then love. So what it boils down to is this, if the sex is good, then we work on the companionship, once we're sure we have a good companion, we say, "I love you." Immediately after we say that, we want to have sex, not a cute a smile, kiss on the cheek, and a day at Bath and Bodyworks.
I think the fact that your friends' relationships disintegrated on Valentine's Day is not so much a reflection of the suckiness of guys (I might be biased being a guy and all), but rather a reflection of the unrealistic high expectations of what is supposed to happen on Valentine's Day due to the ridiculous consumer economy that we buy (both literally and figuratively) into way too easily. I mean, yes, if I had a girlfriend, I would appreciate her dressing up in sexy lingerie on Valentine's Day, but I would appreciate just as much on any other day, just as I would hope that she would appreciate me giving her whatever it is she would like (chocolates, flowers, massage, puppy, etc.) on any day, not just Valentine's Day. Men have an innate inability to perform to lofty expectations because we want to do things on our own terms. We don't want to do it on the terms of some coniving, money hungry bigwig at Hallmark and Kay Jewelers. If nobody expected us, or pressured us to these now ludicrous standards of how to display affection, you (women) would not be disappointed so often, and may actually be caught off guard and swept off your feet. Because what it comes down to is that every man wants to impress his girl. But it is nearly impossible these days, have you been watching TV for the past two week? I can't afford diamonds, a day at the spa, 5000 roses, a Godiva Chocolate Factory. It's too much pressure! So I'm just going to sit on my ass and not pay attention to the whole damn thing.
Good Luck Em!
Love ya!
I'm just joking..
If I was a very horney man, I would hope and pray that you would be the type of girl who will put out.
Just be thankful you have girlfriends who will take shots of Vodka in the back of a taxi in T.O. and stay up until all hours of the night/morning and then eat taco dip with you. If only all of us could be so lucky!
You're right. Not many people would eat taco dip for breakfast.
I don't think the problem is with the guys - if women picked winners to begin with, they wouldn't have such a problem. But lots of women pick losers, stick with them for 2 bloody years, and then are "surprised" that it didn't work out. Why would you want it to work out with a loser anyway?
You don't have to date toads while waiting for prince charming. Be happy being single. Have standards. Enjoy life.
And definitely, definitely, continue teasing boys in bars.
It is a woman's right to be a tease. Without that, how do we make men fall on their knees begging us?
It doesn't necessarily have to be teasing that you will sleep with them when you know you won't... It can also be in the middle of a tickle fight you are having with the one you are dating. That cute devilish little smile we flash them is a tease in itself. Or how about when we brush up against them as we're passing them in the middle of a tight hallway or in a club. Everything we do where we give them a little look or a light touch is tease.
And it is so much fun.
And I almost forgot...
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!
Yeah, the sorta guys that dribble & drool down at bars are gonna tend to be the heartless/dumb ones. Maybe the one with his nose in a book might be a bit more worthy? Maybe ;)
lol! you are a little buggar when you're drunk! I love it :). what a great response to a drunken asshole - what's my name? ha, i love you
Jenna o. stupid blogger wont let me back on my stuppid blogging thingy
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