Wednesday, February 01, 2006

A Beautiful Disaster

Nothing magnifies self-doubt like uncertainty.

I look more worn-out than I feel. When I get to this point, I look like I've aged ten years with these dark circles and tired wrinkles around my eyes. I'm emotionally exhausted. I get plenty of sleep, it's the waking hours that take the energy out of me. The waiting, the ambiguity, the unresolved loose ends. If it was in my power, I would tie up every loose end in my life and make sure everyone lives happily ever after. I can't handle uncertainty in the present, but uncertainty about the future is necessary.

I'm a living, breathing contradiction.

A graceful wreck. A calm and collected disaster. Yes, my flaws are beautiful, but can others see the beauty in them? And if they don't does that mean I'm destined to live my life walking alone with nothing but my exquisite mistakes? That's the catch isn't it. You can believe all you want that your flaws make you special and unique, but if others don't see them that way you're fucked. Doomed to be alone.

Maybe no one has taken the time to see the beauty in my imperfections. Maybe no one cares.

But then maybe I just haven't given them the chance.

6 comments:

MsPatricia said...

Imperfections are what make each of us intriguing. Never ever believe that people don't see the beauty in your imperfections... that's what attracts all of us to one another.

If we were all perfect, what fun would life be?

So don't think that people can't see the beauty, cause it's all we ever see.

MsPatricia said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jay said...

Sounds to me like just another imperfection to love. Which you must, and someone else will, because that's what makes life beautiful.

Thought King said...

Agreed. Everyones got flaws. And the ones that dont try to disguise or conceal their imperfections are that much more real and beautiful.

Easier said then done, I know.

And we all live in uncertainty, dont u worry. Sometimes even a present state of uncertainty is needed to figure out where you are:P

I think I'm always there.

powderslider said...

There is certainty in the bad word you used...don't let you mother hear that..hehehe I love you so much.

Kiren said...

I used to be afraid that no one saw my imperfections and appreciated them. Then this friend of mine, just last week said she can see right through all of my facades. It was then I realized for the first time that I had been putting up facades for almost everyone I know. I had previously thought I had only one, the one I used for my parents. It made me sad, I was scared, for a minute I had no idea who I was for real. Then she took my hand and said it was okay. And I believed her, and I still do. So now I'm still a little scared, but it's that exciting type of scared. That something new and great is going to happen. And sure, sometimes I'm still sad, but it's no longer a delibitating sad, it's a life reaffirming type of sad, sadness that I can live with and use to be happy most, if not all, of the time.