Lets say all the things we're afraid to say. I edit myself around people. I preview what I'm about to say in my own head, cut it down to a shallow version of what I really feel, and censor it for content that could possibly get me hurt. I'm the worst when it comes to self-censorship. I'm upfront about everything except the things that make me feel vulnerable. Sometimes I bottle in certain things to the point where I might burst. Why am I so afraid of my own words? Words can change the world, and I'm scared that my world will change for the worse. I'm always so afraid of getting hurt, it's getting in the way of what I want. It's getting in the way of me.
Lets do all the things we're afraid to do. Why is there a hesitation when we approach certain situations? I have a fear that if I'm too confident in doing something, I'll get hurt. Doing what I really want scares me so much, because there's a possibility of losing something. That's probably why I don't gamble. I'll either lose everything or gain everything when I roll the dice, and I'm not brave enough to take the risk. What I really want is in my reach... I can almost touch it. Why wont I take that extra step?
I'm so afraid of getting hurt that I don't realize I'm already hurting. I'm hurting by holding everything in, by holding back and by editing me. I don't have the confidence that things wont change for the worse, but I cant keep things in much longer. I feel like I'll burst one of these days and bits of me will go flying for everyone to see. Which is worse; to stay as I am and keep things the same, or to take the plunge with the risk of turning my world upside down? How badly could things change by saying a few little words?
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4 comments:
Emily, your blog is my procrastination haven and I love it.
I say take the plunge and take all the risks. I censor myself alot too and I have only come to realize it recently. I'd like to think I dont, but I do. I havent done alot of things because I'm afraid of the negative things that may happen.
But fuck it. The cheesy saying is "you only live once", but its so true. Do what makes you happy (as long as it doesnt hurt anyone ;). If it turns your world upside down for a while, so be it. This world can turn any life upside down at any moment without warning, so you can't live fearing it.
SO take control of your life as much as possible and take the plunges you are afraid to take. Take the extra steps. Say what you want to say to the people you need to say it too. See what happens. It may just take your life and bring it to another level.
I only hope I can follow my own therapeutic advice..
Very inspirational, Luis... We have a contender for the best comment, well done! And although its easy to say, taking all the risks you want to take is a lot harder to do. I wish I was brave enough to take your advice... we'll see.
-Emmy
PS, I'm waiting for another post on your blog now that I found it. I'm writing a comment there right now...;)
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