In the Waiting Line

Waiting for something to happen. I'm wasting time, sitting around, thinking about what I could be doing, dreaming. I've said this before, yet I'm still just sitting here. I feel like I could go stagnant, fade away, dissolve into dust and the world would stay the same. I have no real mission, no supreme goal, no life defining purpose.

I day dream a lot. I think that if you're content with your life, there should be no need to daze off and imagine what could be because you'd already have it. Hence my concern. I'm constantly staring into space, letting my eyes glass over and my mind race with all the other things I could be doing. Maybe I'm just jaded, but isn't that sad? 20 years old and a cynic.

School doesn't last forever, and I know that it should ultimately lead me to a career that I will enjoy. However, right now I'm bored with my life and with school. I love psychology, but I want to do it. No more talking about it, it's theories and what other people have done. I want to do something purposeful. Right now we're in the space between school and life, waiting for our careers to start. I hate the waiting feeling, but it's funny how students are used to waiting in line for everything: Our food, our textbooks, course changes, OSAP. School in itself is a wait period, until we're ready for a career. But is that the end? Will we be finished waiting once we settle into our respective jobs, start earning a decent wage and benefits, get a house and a dog? We're all in a figurative waiting line... what are we waiting for, and how long before we reach it?

The laws of physics can be applied to life: Equal and opposite forces. Apply force to your life and the universe will reciprocate. I need a change, I need to apply force but where, when and how? I don't know what I can do to make myself less jaded and to induce change. I feel stuck when I should be on top of the world. Isn't that sad? 20 years old and a pessimist.