Ode to the Safari

Yes, so after spending quite some time deliberating I decided to dedicate this Ode to the Safari and not to any of you who left me comments here. Why? Because I said I wanted "ass kissing", people! There was not one solid attempt at flattery or brown-nosing that would warrant an entire blog dedicated to you. I need more effort next time, and I'm very disappointed in you. All of you.

I've been working a la Safari since May (minus a month hiatus thanks to the mono) and I only have two weeks left which is why I've decided it deserves an Ode. My job consists of driving a bus, boat and train, giving tours, watching the animals have sex and cleaning baboon poop off the buses. Now I know many of you are thinking, "How glamorous!" But this job isn't all poop cleaning. There are many pros and cons about working a la Safari that I have outlined for you below:

Pros:
1) I get to see the animals every day.
2) I get to see the rhino penis every day.

Cons:
1) It took over a month to train for this job. Learning to drive a bus is a long process.
2) I've had to learn how to speak when I can't hear my own voice over screaming children.
3) I've had to memorize over 40 pages of script about animals. Long nights of studying for my job.
4) It's a 40 minute commute every day.
5) My uniform is an ugly piece of crap, and I've started to develop sock/shorts/farmers tans.
6) I make $9 an hour.
7) Sometimes I don't get a lunch because of the way the bus schedule works. Is that legal?
8) Refer to "baboon poop", above.
9) The most frightening moment of my life happened just last week when I thought I was going to get punched in the face by a customer who couldn't fit his family on the bus. He raised his fist up to my chin and said through clenched teeth, "You fucking white people! Fucking white service is a piece of shit." Good times.
10) The Safari is an idiot magnet. I've seen people get out of their cars in the lion reserve. Lions! Fucking wild, carnivorous, 400 pounds of pure muscle, will eat you if they get a chance, lions! Although if I did watch those people get eaten, at least it would add another point to my "pros" list.

There you have it folks, the truth about the Safari. Soon I'll be permanently hanging up my beige uniform from hell and moving on to better things. (Better things being Europe for three weeks with my Amber!) Ciao for now my fuzzy ducks!