Reciprocity

You can hurt the people you love without knowing it, and some of them will hurt you right back. Unanticipated reciprocity.
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I fell asleep on the grass outside my apartment for just a second, and it made me realize: I feel safe. Safe enough to sleep outside and alone in the dark. Safe and confident in my own skin. Safe but lonely.

I don't like feeling vulnerable. In fact, I'll take great measures to appear strong, confident and unscathed in difficult situations. Even if I'm screaming and suffocating on the inside, I wont let anyone know I'm distressed. I wont tell people how I really feel if there's any sort of risk involved. I am guarded and defensive and all I really want is for someone to help me break down all my walls and force me to face my fear of getting hurt. I'm safe inside these walls but the problem is, if you don't risk, you wont gain. I'm alone. Consistently and cyclically alone.
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Thanks for putting the icing on my cake. The road to hell is paved in your good intentions.