It's hot, I'm dehydrated and craving cold. Sweat beads on my forehead and my small fan can't cool me, only blowing the hot air around. I can do nothing but sprawl on top of the covers and suck on ice, hoping some kind of breeze will sneak through my open window.

Not a good atmosphere to try to rest and heal. My swollen throat hates me.

I'm looking forward to being healthy again. That's one thing I really take for granted. I'm just too young to care.

That Doctor Can Kiss My Ass

So apparently the quack doctor at the Waterloo hospital didn't know what the fuck he was talking about. The flu? Nuh uh.

Still after two weeks with the same damned fever, puffy eyes, splitting headache, backache and windedness I decided it was time to get a second opinion. So my mother and I went to another hospital where they did actual tests to see what was wrong with me instead of laughing and saying a 21 year old should know what her symptoms mean. "Ha ha ha, come on guess! You can guess this, it's so easy!" Thanks a lot Doc.

So they didn't just guess what I had, they took blood and it turns out I have mono. Fucking mono! Mono for two weeks thinking it was the flu and I was a wimp for not getting over it in the 7 days I'm supposed to according to Doctor know-it-all. I was so shocked I almost pissed myself laughing. I have it in me to go find that fucking, stupid-ass doctor and tell him I could have ruptured my liver and died because of him. Fucker.

Anyways, now that I know what I have I'm on the road to recovery. I already feel a bit better but I'm not gonna push it. If I drink or get hit in the liver the wrong way I could die, so I'm taking no chances. Good times, eh? Send me healthy thoughts! A summer is no summer without copious amounts of booze.

Oh. El. Pee.

So here it is, though slightly delayed due to illness and internet issues, your sock rocking blog. Brace yourselves. I will try to express the pure ecstasy and adrenaline of it all for you, however I'm sure that no matter what adjectives I use to describe the occurrences of May 8th, 2006 I will not be able to come close to reliving such a day. This day cannot be expressed in words, it must be experienced. Having experienced such a day recently, I will try to include you in my elation. Now that I've built it up so high, here we go.

For years I have been a fan of Our Lady Peace. They were my first real concert, which was at the Air Canada Centre in 2000. I was in the tenth grade. They were amazing, of course, and every concert proceeding has been compared to the latter. I saw them again at the Somersault festival in Barrie, and they were the highlight of the day. After said concert they settled themselves firmly in their spot as my number one favourite band of all time throughout high school. Entering University, they lost their spot at number one (being replaced by Radiohead) but remained firmly (and always will) in my top five.

Now getting to the point.

On May 8th, 2006 my mother called me at 10am revealing to me that she had come across four OLP tickets for that very night at Centre in the Square in Kitchener. She had purchased these tickets that very day, and they had not sold earlier because of some kind of visual obstruction. We didn't really care, and with no expectations we headed to see them later that day. It turns out these seats were on the second floor in the box closest to the stage. We could even peek backstage from where we were sitting, we were that close. We had the whole box to ourselves, and the visual obstruction? It was a light. A skinny little light and nothing more, we could all see the stage perfectly. This was the first of three surprises that would make this night so great.

Surprise number two? Neverending White Lights was one of the openers. Now, to those of you who don't know this band, they are not in fact a band. It is a songwriter and producer who writes all the songs and plays all the instruments on the album. He gets different vocalists to collaborate in the writing process and sing each song, thereby each song has a different vocal sound. I just recently starting getting into them and was very pleasantly surprised (to say the least) to discover they were opening. They were fantastic! Get out to a concert soon if you can, they're going to start getting huge. Their video "The Grace" was just nominated for an MMVA.

Now for the final and ultimate surprise that made this night so unforgettable. My friends and I were rocking the place. I mean we were dancing, singing and just generally flailing around like starstruck idiots for the first half of Our Lady Peace's set. It was pretty calm in the rest of the place, and Raine (i.e. the love of my life) kept waving at us and pointing in our general direction. Yes, I know. Every fan thinks he's pointing directly at them, but I can prove it. See below for the picture progression...

1) Raine looks into my eyes as if to say, "just you wait, Emily. I'm gonna rock your socks off." You can also tell how excited he is to see me because his belt is undone.

2) Raine coming up to our box. At this point all I can do is scream "What is he doing?!?!?! What is he doing?!?!?!" He is coming up to profess his love to me.

3) Raine serenading me in our box. No special camera tricks here, people! This is full-on, real Maida action.

4) Again, Raine in our box. I have a million pictures like this. We got a little excited with the camera to say the least.

5) Raine (sadly) exiting our box. I don't have a picture of it, but before he left he gave me his number and told me not to tell his wife.

So there you have it. As I'm sure you are suffering from high amounts of jealously, I have no need to go on. I will leave you to wallow. Ta.

You Give me Fever

Day six and counting with a fever of 101 degrees. My neck hurts. My kidneys hurt. My body hurts. I have zero appetite and have never been hungrier in my life. There are two computer screens fading in and out in front of me and I don't know if that's from the drugs or the headache. Perhaps both? I'm sweating and shivering simultaneously, which is quite confusing. Do I pile on the covers or sprawl out naked with the window open? I do not know. I want to do both.

When I dragged myself to the emergency room Saturday night (2:30am to be exact), I thought I had mono or some kind of infection, but alas. Influenza. No miracle drugs for the flu, just lots of Tylenol and fluids until the fever breaks. Serves me right for always laughing at people who get the flu shot.

GET YOUR DAMNED FLU SHOT!!

So now, day six and counting and the fever has not broke. I do not feel better and all I want to do is go back to work, make money and spend it at the bar. Learn from my misery, I beg you! Get your flu shot.

That's all for now.

I can't remember a time when I've had so many people around me. I can't remember a time when I've felt more alone.

Potential. It's a loaded word.

You bring out the worst in me and you know it. It is your weapon against me, and I let you use it.

If I was who I wanted to be, maybe this wouldn't be so hard.

In real life, there are no answers. Only imaginary solutions to imaginary questions.

Sometimes I get overwhelmed by my smallness and naivety. This life is too big and people are too egocentric to know how insignificant they are. Or maybe that thought is too scary to admit.

Mon Canevas Blanc

If you know me even a little bit, you'll know I have no idea what I want to do with my life. It's ok with me, I mean I don't really like the idea of knowing exactly what the future holds anyways. Sometimes I think I should go talk to an academic counselor and at least figure out what my options are, but something always stops me. Maybe it's just laziness, or maybe it's because I don't want to commit to something that could turn out to be a bad decision. Finding the right career is a pretty big deal, and I don't understand how everyone else has such an easy time with it. There are far too many options out there to nail one down and say "that's what I want to do for the rest of my life." This is something you'll be doing everyday, all day, forever. It's rather intimidating.

The things I'm passionate about seems to be deemed "not sensible career choices." I could dance forever and ever, but will I be able to buy groceries? Probably not. So since the things I know I love are kind of out of the question for a career, I need to find new things to become passionate about. At least I know the following about myself:

1) I hate being told what to do. Rather, I need some independence and room for creativity.

2) I need to be moving around and doing stuff. Sitting at a desk all day is not an option.

3) I need to be around people my own age and/or children.

4) I need a relaxed or at least semi-relaxed atmosphere. I can't stand getting into trouble for stupid shit like having your top button undone (that actually happened.)

All the jobs I've had in the past have taught me exactly what I don't want to do for a living. I don't want to teach in the school system, I don't want to work in an office and I don't want to work insane hours just to get by. Not knowing is ok, but sometimes I wish I had some kind of clue. The future is a big, blank canvas craving colour.

Come Along For the Ride

1) I have a great post pending. I'm telling you, this post will rock your socks (especially Miss. Jay. Your socks will be thoroughly rocked, I promise.) I need to include pictures, but our stupid internet is so slow right now. I need to wait until next Friday when we switch internet companies and actually get the high speed we're paying for. So hold on tight people.

2) Safari tour guiding also rocks my socks. I get to see the animals 5 times a day, and pretend like I know all about them. I'm just reading off of a script in real life (but don't tell. It's a secret.) I saw twin Bison being born yesterday too. Where else can you see something like that?

3) I miss my cottage. I'm craving fresh air and sand pretty badly.

4) Neverending White Lights, From What I Once Was. Download it immediately.

5) My least favourite type of person is the know-it-all. Some people just believe they've got it all figured out and have nothing to learn from anyone. More specifically, I hate when people think they've got me all figured out. Human beings are highly complex, and even when you know someone for years and years you can still learn new things about them. Don't assume I am one thing, because I am many.

6) I like being alone in my apartment every once in a while because I can turn up the volume on my favourite porn movies. I usually keep them on mute when the roomies are home.

7) Number 6 isn't a lie.

8) Keep holding on for the amazing post. You'll all pee your pants when you read it, I swear.

And here I am yet again, hovering in limbo: On the verge of hell looking up for a glimpse of heaven. Floating like a soul with no body, and wondering what to do with myself. The worst part is knowing I wont be leaving here anytime soon. The clouds never do part for me.

Hello Sunshine

This is the first time in a week and a half that I’ve had a minute to sit and write, and even now I’m being pushed for time. I have to keep reminding myself to breath air and eat food, because in the rush I forget to do both. I’m expecting soon I’ll drop dead, but before that happens I have some updates...

We’ve just moved! Our new apartment is perfect. Lots of space and we’re on the top floor so it’s quiet and there’s always a nice breeze coming through. The best part though, is that the whole dishwasher thing works wonders for the cleanliness of the kitchen. Load, unload. Load, unload. It’s so easy, woot! My room is so pretty it actually brings a tear to my eye every time I come home. It’s magical. I’ll post pictures as soon as blogger and the internet decide to stop being assholes.

My trip has been postponed and entirely changed. I’ll give you a moment to let the shock set in .................. Nothing was working in my favour (especially the fucking visa situation, do not get me started) so I decided the universe was telling me that now is not the time to go. Instead, my best friend and I (see “Ode to Amber”) are going to take three weeks at the end of the summer to travel around Europe. This way we get to see more, and I’m not by myself. Hopefully this trip will work out better. The fact that I don’t need a visa has it about ten thousand points ahead of the last one. But then it loses another ten thousand points because I’m going to have to cancel my beer date with the Jesus.

I got the African Lion Safari job, and am now a professional tour guide and bus driver. Whoever’s bright idea it was to put me behind the wheel of a bus carrying fifty innocent people through wild lions should be fired. I am now officially a danger to children and the elderly. And my uniform is amazing (note the sarcasm.) I think they took an exact replica of the crocodile hunter’s garb, except these shorts are about an inch higher on the waist and about an inch lower on the inseam. And I get to tuck in the shirt. Good times.

Yes, so I’ve been training for my new job, wrapping up my dance job, moving, unpacking, canceling UK plans, making new ones. Hopefully soon I’ll have time to sit and actually enjoy the summer and perhaps write more. A real post is to come shortly, my kittens. I have missed you.