There comes a point when the house you grew up in doesn't feel like home anymore. I never thought this old, dirty house I'm renting could ever feel like home, but it really does. Maybe home isn't just the place where you live, but also the people who you share it with. I'm closer with my roommates then I ever have been with anyone in my family. I can truly be myself in our house. You censor yourself in front of your parents and your siblings but with your friends you can let it all out. Maybe that's why this old house has become home. I feel so comfortable just being me in this space with the people I love.
But we're moving in the spring. In May we all move together to a brand new apartment just three houses down from our Albert street shanty. I'm sure that place will become home too because we'll all be together. Of course I'll miss this place and the mice, the creaky floors, the dust, the washing machine that doesn't work and the never-ending pile of dishes. But at least the best part of the house is moving with me.
One of the things that scares me the most is the big blank space after Laurier is over. Each of my roommates is headed in a different direction; grad school for economics, sex therapy, chartered accounting, medicine and me with my Psych degree that I don't know what to do with. Who will live with me? Each of us is going somewhere different. We'll all scatter, but I can't imagine living somewhere without them. No other roommates could ever measure up. I can't even bear the thought.
So all there is to do at this point of course, is to enjoy myself and the time my roommates and I have together. There's nothing else I can do. But there will always that fear in the back of my mind about what will happen once this is all over. Life itself doesn't scare me, just that I'll lose the bonds we've made. I've never felt this close or comfortable with anyone before, and I don't want it to ever go away.
"Never leave me."
"You're the love of my life, of course I'll never leave."
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1 comment:
Hey Emmy!
Wow! Powerful blog my dear. I'm actually wiping the tears from my eyes as I'm typing this.
It's true that your home isn't actually a place in Waterloo or your parents house. It's a feeling, a bond.
I'm scared about life after Laurier too. I think that when your truely love somebody, a part of them will always be with you. You are my sister. Your not blood, but your the next best thing.
Remember what we said, We're going to live next door to eachother in our houses with white picket fences. 2.5 children and a dog (and your rat). You with Ryan and me with Tony. We're going to be friends forever. As you said, I could never imagine living with anybody else.
And unfortuantly for you, you'll be stuck with me forever!! muhaha.. sucker! You'll never get rid of me!
Love you Em!
Your sister, Kelly
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