Holes

When something is missing in your life and you can't find it, you replace it with something else. Your brain has a happy medium, and when that medium is thrown off you make compensations. Some people overeat, some people cheat on their wives, some people take a pottery class. People replace something they need and don't have with something they've decided they want. My medium is off, and my brain is trying to find something to restore it. That's why I always feel like there's something missing. A hole. So I'm compensating by moving abroad for a couple months. Maybe I can find whatever's missing by leaving everything familiar for a while. I wish that I knew what it is that I want so badly. I tend to make inferences and assumptions about what it could be, but they're never right. Introspection is my downfall, and virtually the only person I can't read well is myself.

But the brain is simple, really. People are predictable, and all you need to do is look for general patterns in their behaviour to figure them out. That's why I like psychology. Every behaviour has a cause, and by knowing that cause you can deduce what they'll do next. People make sense, and I like that.

So someone analyse me, because I can't figure me out. If I'm such an emotionally wealthy person, why am I always searching for something more?