This term has gone by too fast for a girl who doesn't know what the shit is supposed to happen after all this.
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I'm 22 now. The three day birthday extravaganza is over and now I can start settling into my new age. Twenty-two will be different. I'm ready for 22.
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I didn't think making such a decision would be so easy. I didn't know that I knew what needed to be done, and more importantly I didn't think I'd have the strength to do it. But I am stronger than I thought which makes this easier and I'm almost happy with the whole thing. I wouldn't go back if I could. I have my strength back along with my hope for something better. I had lost some hope for awhile, but I'm a strong girl. A resilient girl. I am happier now, and back to hoping and looking for love.
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"I can tell from your hair and your confidence."
"From just that you can tell I'm in psychology?"
"Confident people have the ability to look into themselves, find flaws and reasons for those flaws objectively without losing faith in themselves or mankind. Insecure people can't do that."
"What about my hair?"
"Oh, you just have nice hair."
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They say an end can be a start.
Feels like I've been buried yet I'm still alive.
It's like a bad day that never ends; I feel the chaos around me.
A thing I don't try to deny, I'd better learn to accept that there are things in my life that I can't control.
They say love ain't nothing but a sore, I don't even know what love is.
Too many tears have had to fall, don't you know I'm so tired of it all.
I have known terror dizzy spells. Finding out the secrets words won't tell, whatever it is it can't be named; There's a part of my world that' s fading away.
You know I don't want to be clever, to be brilliant or superior.
True like ice, true like fire, now I know that a breeze can blow me away.
Now I know there's much more dignity in defeat than in the brightest victory.
I'm losing my balance on the tight rope, tell me please, tell me please, tell me please...
If I ever feel better, remind me to spend some good time with you. You can give me your number, when it's all over I'll let you know.
Hang on to the good days, I can lean on my friends. They help me going through hard times.
But I'm feeding the enemy; I'm in league with the foe.
Blame me for what's happening, I can't try, I can't try, I can't try...
No one knows the hard times I went through. If happiness came I missed the call.
The stormy days ain't over, I've tried and lost now I think that I pay the cost.
Now I've watched all my castles fall, they were made of dust, after all.
Someday all this mess will make me laugh, I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait...
If I ever feel better, remind me to spend some good time with you. You can give me your number, when it's all over I'll let you know.
It's like somebody took my place, I ain't even playing my own game. The rules have changed well I didn't know.
There are things in my life I can't control. I feel the chaos around me, a thing I don't try to deny.
I'd better learn to accept that there's a part of my life that will go away.
Dark is the night, cold is the ground, in the circular solitude of my heart.
As one who strives a hill to climb, I am sure I'll come through I don't know how.
They say an end can be a start. Feels like I've been buried yet I'm still alive. I'm losing my balance on the tight rope, tell me please, tell me please, tell me please...
Phoenix, "If I Ever Feel Better."
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2 comments:
I like that song, it makes me think and I like that. :)
It's true, the end of something is the beginning of something even greater.
The end of high school was the beginning the past great four years.
And now that we're at the end of it all, it's onto bigger and better things.
I can't wait to see what's out there waiting for us. :)
You will rock 22. Don't you worry. It's not that scary (ahhh kind of not scary) and we're still young and hot. A decision is only easy to make when you know you're making the right one. And the pursuit of love....well...let's just say it's a fun one.
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