Me vs. The Committee

Yesterday was the first time in four years that I've considered leaving my job. When you love what you do, you never have to think about why you're doing it. I've been forced to reevaluate why I've stayed at this job for so long, and what I'll loose if I decide to quit.

I started teaching dance at this particular community centre when I was only 17. I had never taught dance before and didn't really know what I was getting myself into, but the money was good and I loved dancing more than anything so it seemed to be the perfect job. I've loved my time here. Teaching allows me to be creative, I get to be a role model for my students and I am able to continue being involved in dance. Seeing the changes in my students over the years and knowing I had something to do with those changes is one of the most rewarding things I've ever experienced in my life.

But then there's the other side of the coin. The dance program at the centre is controlled by a group of people called the dance committee. This group consists of 8 ladies who are parents to some of the students in the program itself. Which is the first flaw, because they are very biased in their decisions. These ladies have final say in everything, and they like to exert their power any chance they can. Especially with me. I'm just young enough and just creative enough to fall victim to their executive decisions and creativity-squashing rules. Every aspect of the dance program has a rule, and if it doesn't they'll be sure to find and create one. Everything becomes way more complicated than it needs to be when the committee uses their iron fist to make decisions.

I've also had to wake up at 8am every Saturday of the week all year for four years. No exceptions. And being a university student who values her sleep more than life itself, that is a huge sacrifice. Fridays nights are a complete write off for everything because I refuse to go into work tired or with a hang over, and my Saturdays are spent inside teaching instead of studying or sleeping in like most people. The money is good, but I'm only working one day a week so it isn't actually making a huge difference to my bank account. I don't really need the money either. I'm pretty well off just from working in the summers, and my parents pay for my education. So do I do it for the dancing? I love dance, I always will. It once was a huge part of my life, but I've come to the point where I don't need it anymore. Teaching dance is also much different than the act of dancing itself. I haven't actually danced in a long time. And as much as I love teaching, I can live without that too.

So why am I still doing this, you ask? I was forced to ask myself the same question yesterday when the committee made an executive decision about one of my classes while I was in Miami. No one told me, and I had to find out from my students who were fuming with anger. They were not happy, and I was not happy. All this drama all the time is emotionally draining. Why do I put up with all of this? What would I really be losing if I didn't return to the program next year?

I do this for my students. I love my students more than I love teaching, more than I love money and maybe even more than I love dance. These girls are why I didn't leave after my first year. Somehow all the bullshit I deal with from the dance committee is bearable because of the joy I get from watching my students grow and change and learn to love dance as much as I do. Yesterday was the first time that my love for my students wasn't enough to make me want to stay.

This program should be about the students. They come first, not making sure we follow protocol, not creating problems where there are none and not doing what is easiest for the committee. These girls make the program and if they're not happy, there is no program. I do it for them. All of this is for them.

I'm afraid that my battle with the committee will soon be done, and I'm tired.