He called me on it. No one has ever understood me before I understood myself, and it caught me off-guard.

"I think you're scared."
"I am. I really am scared." I had never thought of it that way before.

There always comes a point when the ball drops, so I've learned to anticipate it. The minute I let myself go just a little, everything falls to pieces and I'm hurting again. Not letting go has become my defense, even if it makes me miserable. I tell myself I'd rather be miserable this way than at the hands of someone else.

But look at me like that with those eyes again, and I might have to change my mind.