I've been the most skeptical about relationships and love and stuff lately and here's what people have been telling me is the problem:
Person #1: "You're too beautiful, unique, confident and smart so guys get intimidated by you. You just haven't met someone that can handle your greatness yet."
Person #2: "We both know there are no guys worth dating at Laurier. Just wait until you leave, guys will be tripping themselves just to get a date with you."
Person #3: "You're too picky. Just keep your options open and things will happen."
Person #4: "Guys suck. Just become a lesbian and your love life will totally change."
Person #5: "You're just not willing to settle with something mediocre. You know what you want and what's going to make you happy and don't want to waste your time dating some immature frat boy who doesn't know where your clit is."
Too bad I don't think any of those is the one. I think it's a combination of lack of opportunity and my own fear and inability to act coherent around anyone I actually like. I clam up and answer questions with either nervous laughter or one word answers in a high-pitched, squirrel-like voice, or some combination of both. Even I don't want to hang out with myself when I'm around guys I like.
In other news, each day that goes by gets me closer and closer to leaving this hell hole. But I keep having anxiety dreams. The worst one yet happened a few days ago when I dreamt that my mom killed herself and I woke up with my cheeks wet and sobbing. I immediately called her and she laughed at the thought, telling me she'd never ever leave me. Then I yelled at her for not taking me seriously. Then I called her back and apologized for being a bitch.
2 comments:
hahaha, yah I do the same thing around people I like. Or people I likeD. haha, but don't worry. Someday someone will find it cute and endearing and like you back. Who couldn't like you?
Stuff like this just happens when it happens. Dating is overrated anyway. You can have most of the fun of dating my having fun with friends. As long as the no sex doesn't kill you. Which it might. But there are ways around that.
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